Where am I?

They tell me to live in the present, which I always thought I was doing.

I definitely don't live in the future, I'm honestly a little scared about it. My mentality is more "I think I was happy yesterday, so let's do that again."

How dangerous.

How long has this been going on? a year? two? my whole life?

I would rather be a continuously changing follower of Christ than to be stuck in yesterday. I would rather have people not recognize me as the person they knew yesterday because of how much I have improved mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

Being in college, I have first-hand experience of "staying afloat." I've been so incredibly busy that I have no time to sit down and remember who I was, who I am, & who I want to be. It's October. It was just October. Where have I been? College has whisked me away into a land of stress, competition, and deadlines. Do I actually want to compete with these people? Are they worth it? Am I?

I know the basics of what I want & what I've been called to do. It's actually getting there that's the hard part, & not falling into a comfort zone along the way.

Stop surviving & start LIVING.

Imitation

What do we imitate?
Things that inspire us?
People we love?
Things that make us laugh?
Authorities?

Do you think it's possible to consciously choose who exactly you want to be, or are we constantly influenced by our surroundings?

I have cases for both.
When you have no goal, you aren't aware of the things around you that are changing your future.
When you have a goal, you notice every single detail that could potentially derail you, and a determined person purposely avoids those things.

Generally people imitate for acceptance. Why? Why do we need other humans to approve of us? Why do we need assurance, respect, and a pat on the back from them? How does this lead to freedom? If anything, I think this pushes us away from freedom.

I've been walking my entire life living for the acceptance of other people.
Dressing for compliments, working hard for a pat on the back.
Why isn't it enough? I'm chasing something that's always going to be out of reach. Even the people with everything can't figure it out.

I want to be an imitator of God and nothing else. Because when I imitate God, I'm not doing it for credit. I'm doing it for a purpose. My purpose.

Welcome to Someday

Recently I've become a slightly different version of myself.

It's like someone flipped a switch in my life & I am suddenly extremely opinionated in my beliefs. My discernment is hypersensitive and I have the courage to call bullshit on most of the things that come out of people's mouths.

I'm not afraid anymore.

I'm not afraid of the things people are thinking about me.
This sounds cliche.

I'm not afraid of what God has planned for me... in fact I want it right now. I would drop everything I have right now if I knew God was telling me to. In fact I think He might be.

It all comes down to one thing, really.

I wasn't willing to give up everything I had before.
Faith is about risks. "Average" people are only average because the amount of amazing things they've done is equivalent to the amount of lackluster things. If you want to achieve your dreams or your purpose, if you want your dream house, dream job, or dream life, you have to be willing to go get it. Most of the time that means giving up your current job. Your current friends. Your comfortable life.

I honestly feel sad when I see someone with such great potential stuck in their mediocre job.
It's great to be thankful for the things you have.
It's great to stop and remember that your life is not the worst one out there.
But these things should not, and hopefully WILL NOT stop you from fulfilling your life.

What in the WORLD could be more important than doing what you were created to do?

a little april update

thirteen tips to help the average person survive freshman year:

1. don't take chemistry. just had to get that out there right off the bat. it is the worst.
2. don't forget to eat. surprisingly an easy thing to forget to do when you have classes all. day. long.
3. treat yourself sometimes. buy a nasty sugar coffee drink and sit down for 5 seconds.
4. provide yourself with alone time. it's easy to forget your purpose when you never have time to think your own thoughts. read. draw. go for a walk.
5. don't let people talk down to you. they're here for the same reason.
6. ask for help sometimes. it's not the end of the world.
7. get a job! you don't have to work 100 hours a week but it's nice to have that place on campus where you have a little bit of control.
8. put your bed by the window. seriously the best thing ever.
9. do nice things for your peers. help them with homework, walk them to class. be selfless.
10. pull a few all nighters. it gives you perspective.
11. explore. plan things. give yourself something to look forward to so you don't drown in your overwhelming mixture of work load and self pity.
12. make a blog but never post to it.
13. just take the elevator.

xo

the latest scoop

well hello again to my readers, as scarce as you may be! :)

i know i claimed i would post again after finals were over but it became a crazy month & i finally have more than 12 seconds to myself, so here is a very long & complicated compilation of the things i have done since December 5th.

1. I completed semester one here at Marquette with a solid GPA! woot.

2. I realized my favorite kind of people on planet earth are nerdy math lovers with no shame... like me.

3. After finals week was over, my roommate caroline and her boyfriend vincent stayed at my house for 3 days. His flight didn't leave until after the weekend so we decided to make an event out of it. this weekend included lots of laughs, driving, food, coffee, and SLEEP! they don't tell you how tired you will be after finals week. it was kind of insane. Here is a picture of vincent and pepper. I dont know why this happened.

4. After they both went home, I immediately started working. a lot! like.... a lot!

5. I spent lots of time with my favorite person on earth. :)

[noodles & co.]

[date night at Bravo]

[Christmas Eve at Starbucks]

[late night BW3 runs]

[New Years]

[Boston Store]

[jacket shopping]

6. Jesse took me on a date to see the nutcracker!

7. sister time!

[maggie & me]

[cami & maggie]

[cami & mom]

[cami]

now it's time for round 2!

spring semester... here we go.

xoxo

a little update before i hide under a rock until finals are done.

it's cold here!!

im pretty bad at decorating for christmas.

or maybe im pretty bad at having enough money to buy pretty decorations.

HAHA EITHER WAY THAT TREE IS AWESOME.

this happened & i don't know how....

i tried responding and it told me i couldnt. the aliens are probably after me.

stacey!

i saw the sunrise today. it was satisfying.

i promptly went back to sleep.

i became a pro snowflake maker!

this happened about 5 am last saturday night. sunday morning.

whatever.

hope all is well in your little world today,

posts will resume after December 14th. 

happy studying.

finals are coming...

brace yourselves.

want to see what my life is like?

oops did you say no?

sorry ive been away so long. 

here's a few weird things that have happened:

1. I DID A NO CARB DIET. it sucked. i will probably never do it again. but... yeah.

2. i finished midterms. what? yeah.

3. i visited carolyn in chicago! twice! #whoa.

4. my time at epic came to a close. sad. very sad.

5. i became very ambitious and am applying at a new school! it has a 7% acceptance rate. i might die just thinking about it actually. lets move on.

6. MY VERY GOOD FRIEND, STACEY, IS NOW HAPPILY MARRIED! she had a beautiful wedding and she looked beautiful and the whole experience was just real beautiful.

7. i went home and washed my dog.

8. RUSS CAME HOME! hi, russ. he showed me Dr. Horrible. you should probably watch it right........ now.

9. i almost lit on fire in my chemistry (lab? no. it was the) discussion. you can thank electrical engineering for that one.

thank you and good night!

weekends at college

This is my & my roommate, Caroline.

Happy debut on my blog, my love!

THIS is a very hilarious picture from the internet.

it has no intellectual or rational value whatsoever.

therefore: pure hilarity.

and THIS is caroline re-inacting:

freakishly similar, i know.

My sister came and stayed with us on Friday night, too!

twas her 15th birthday : )

enjoy the weekend!

xo

motivation

are you in need of a little inspiration this week?

i know i was.

i was finding that listening to my worship music made me REALLY not want to study,

so i bought this album on iTunes ($7.99, not too terrible)

and it seems to be just what i needed! :)

happy tuesday!

wait... it's seriously only tuesday...?

oh gosh.